You can bet one of these vodkas is called “Three Olives” – not only because that would be clever (because it’s a post about “four” vodkas, not three), but because it’s the vodka Clive Owen drinks.
Format be darned – we’re in the business of sharing usable content with you, gentle reader! Also, we like those “whipsaw” posts – you know, the ones where we say things like “gentle reader” then we use an exclamation point! It would make total sense, then, to keep this listicle to something digestible, like Four Vodkas for Your Bloody Marys as opposed to “You Wouldn’t Believe What 11 Magic Ingredients We Added to the Bloody Mary!” (then with a subtitle like “Number 7 Will Make You Question Humanity!”). Clickbait is not our thing, yo.
Four Vodkas For Your Bloody Marys
Before we dive in, a word to the wise: “Bloody Marys” as we wrote it is grammatically correct. Shut the front door if you disagree.
Also, we plan on having something for every budget here, or at least some sort of range for you to choose from. And, we should have done the clickbait thing because Number One Will Shock You!
1. Sobieski (Metasip Grade: A)
Scene: Middle of the summer, downtown, suburban USA. Family walks to a cafe for a weekend brunch-type meal. Parent orders Bloody Mary and is struck by the tastiness of the vodka. Inquires of the waitstaff and is informed…”well, I don’t know. Let me find out.”
So the random well vodka, it turns out, was this stuff. Sobieski. Boomski. We’ll take it.
Didn’t realize that the Beverage Testing Institute (a) was such a thing and (2) rated these vodkas. Why not the others, too? Where’s Tito’s, which seems to be EVERYONE’S FAVORITE VODKA???
We’ve since had people tell us this is their go-to. Big bottle (1.75L) is under $20, and it’s the premium vodka of Poland. Gets an A in our book. Go get some.
2. Grey Goose (Metasip Grade: B+)
Stuff’s expensive, so, since our grading scale takes into account Taste, Profile, and VALUE, all three must be perfectly aligned. Still, some of y’all swear by Grey Goose and we don’t blame you if you want to splurge. So, go ahead, splurge! Get the Bloody with everything! Ask for twelve olives, a complete half-ham mortadella, twice-cured salame and maybe even real Amana Bleu Cheese.
I think the ad above is from a contest to design an ad for Grey Goose. An interesting formula for an ad, don’t ya think? Attractive woman, bottle of liquor, cold beverage. No wonder the ad industry is so successful.
BTW, by expensive, we mean $45-plus for a big bottle.
3. Kirkland Signature Vodka (Metasip Grade: A)
Our most popular post ever here at Metasip HQ was this one: Costco Alcohol Shopping or some such, I forgot the title. In it, we discussed a not-very-well-kept secret: that Kirkland Signature Vodka – the one that’s “Five-Times Distilled” (like Grey Goose) and “Imported from France” (like Grey Goose) might actually be…well…Grey Goose.
Also works well in the Vodka Tonic.
$30 for the bottle. THIRTY. DOLLARS.
4. Three Olives Vodka (Metasip Grade: A-)
If you wake up in the morning and ask yourself “What vodka would Clive Owen drink?,” then your answer should be “Three Olives.” Your next step should be trying to figure out where Clive Owen has been lately; a quick jaunt over to IMDB tells us that he’s in a show called “The Knick” and that he recently turned 50. That last bit is a surprise.
His vodka is not a surprise – like him, I guess, in that it does the job, doesn’t muck things up, might amaze from time to time, but is really what you need in the Bloody Mary. You don’t want the vodka to say “Give me back my son!” or “I’ll be back!” or “Yippee Cayenne Muppet Trucker” or some other catch phrase. You just want it to add the little bit of vodkicity to the Bloody Mary and then go back into the freezer – or, in Clive’s case, back to Cinemax for another season. (Or was it Starz? NO, it was, definitely, Skinamax.)
We believe we paid around $20 for a 1L bottle back in the day – a year ago; it was the one we used up before buying the Kirkland. For THIRTY BUCKS.
What good would a Bloody Mary post be without a recipe?
Good question: we normally just go with a mix – srsly, what’s wrong with pulling mix out of a bottle and rolling with it? Well, in these days of craft cocktails and whatnot, you might want to take just a little extra time an go with this one – from people we plan on becoming friends with over at Liquor.com – because we have found (being fans of the classic Chicago hot dog) that celery salt makes everything better.
Four Vodkas for Your Bloody Marys…
There are more – this is not meant to be a definitive list, of course, since you could drive yourself nutso at the vodka aisle of the Walmart. But here are four to take a look at.